how my enamel nugget led to a spiritual nugget.

Four years ago, I had a root canal on the back, upper tooth (#2) in my mouth. They put in a temporary filling and gave me instructions to get a crown put on as soon as I could. They thought the filling would last a few weeks at best. I was in a job that I HATED, my dental insurance didn't come in for another three months, and I was spending ridiculous amounts of money on someone who didn't love me.

As you can imagine, it was a spectacularly delightful time in my life.

Out of financial fear (which I would begin to get a grip on later that year), I postponed getting the crown put on my tooth. To my surprise, six months later I wound up getting a better job, and my dental insurance would kick in after 90 days. So I waited. And when that 90 days came around, I opted to wait again. I kept postponing and putting faith in my temporarily filling. I opted to wait for nearly 4 1/2 years.

And then one 'magical' Sunday a month ago, my temporary filling fell out, and I ran out of time.

And if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that I bounced from physician to physician and then finally had the tooth removed this past Friday.

Going through this tooth experience has forced me to examine other things in my life. Things that I filled "temporarily" with the hopes of taking care of later. I didn't give them the priority they needed, and made the executive decision that those things could wait.

In all my self-examinations, I had to take a good look at my relationships, my thoughts, my perceptions, and my motives. I had to look at the intentions of my heart. I had to look at the festering and faulty relationships that I was clinging to. I had to look at my "victim" mentality, and basically give myself a swift kick in the pants... if for no other reason but to get rid of the temporarily filling.

One of the things I discovered with my tooth is that the temporary filling didn't prevent decay from getting in. Even after the filling fell out, I had to have my tooth retreated to get rid of the decay. And even after the retreat, the tooth wasn't salvageable.

Don't we do that in our lives? Being single forces me to deal with things that marrieds don't have to deal with. Us "Solos" know we're going to a home where no one is planning to greet us with a kiss and hug and possibly dinner on the table. We live with a lot of silent moments. But we don't always deal with the 'whys' we are solo. This tooth jazz has forced me to TRULY be thankful that I'm single, because I've reflected on times where I put in temporaries... in relationships that were sinking faster than the Titanic,... in thought patterns that were destructive and bad... in jobs... in worrying... in depending on $$. All of those instances in my life reflect where I put in the temporaries, and I made the decisions, and I kept on going.

But the bottom line was that I needed a surgeon for my heart and mind, a lot like my tooth.

And with surgery comes recovery, and medicine, and healing.

And that's where I'm at now. I'm on the cusp of some new things in my life. I'm moving to a different state. I'm ACTUALLY taking the CPA exam. I'm letting go of things I've held on for too long. I'm keeping my mouth shut and praying instead of offering my two cents. I am setting realistic goals and checking things off my to-do list. I'm ripping off the band-aids of past failures and embracing healing where I need it. I'm grasping what success looks like to God for me. I'm being truly, sincerely grateful for this season in my life, knowing that if God had allowed my "wishes" before His, I'd be in a life of 'temporaries', all of them just waiting to fall out.

I'm so thankful for The Great Physician who recognizes (and gives me wisdom to recognize) that I need HIS touch in my life, and even the occasional surgery.