Every now and then, I have to have a big girl talk with myself. (Some would call this self-assessment, but I prefer the more kitschy term.)
Today is one of those days. Today, I got a C in one of my grad school courses. If I make another C, I’m out of the program. I’m struggling with things at ______. I’m struggling with things at _____. None of them are unmanageable, but I’m not doing the best job at managing them, and my frustration, my frailty, my weakness is telling me to take a step back and get my crap together.
I want to bail. I want to walk away from the things that are not necessary and excel at the big things. You know, like the $25,000 thing I’m investing in.
But in the middle of my pity party at the carwash (this is real life, y’all), I suddenly remembered something I’d put on Instagram as my motto for 2016. PROVE. THEM. WRONG. And in a flash, I realized the magnitude of my pity party and that I have to make some changes. The first change is that I can’t quit anything. I will not stop; I will excel. I can do this. I’m going to do this. I need to prove to myself and the people in my life who think poorly of me that I can do this and then some.
I can’t help but be reminded of a scene from the Devil Where’s Prada, where Stanley Tucci’s character is talking to Anne Hathaway’s character and he says in a dramatically snarky tone “gird your loins”. This is my buck-up or shut-up day, so I’ve got to dig deep or I give everyone the capacity to think that I’m incapable of handling this.
Here are some declarations that I have to remind myself of:
1) I cannot change how people feel about me if my actions are mediocre.
2) I cannot change how they feel about me any way… only God can.
3) I do not have to be so frustrated at everything; life is too short to be perpetually bent-out-of-shape.
4) I must stick to my lists and be direct.
5) I must be intentional with my time. More so than EVER.
6) Regardless of the frustrations I feel, I have two people that love me no matter what. They have my six.
7) I can do this. I am smart enough. I am talented enough. I am capable. I am enough!
I can do this. And I can prove them wrong.